remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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