What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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