so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
