Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
