Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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