You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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