I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
