Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
