You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
