Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
