no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
