Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't deserve a penis
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So. Much. Porn.
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