have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
