I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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