I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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