Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
