my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
