Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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