the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
