can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
