John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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