Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
