The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Blow job season was short but glorious.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
