Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
