After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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