I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
