I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
