it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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