dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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