I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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