I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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