4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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