he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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