Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ttyl tear gas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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