I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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