Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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