I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
