Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So much Jack, so little girl.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
