The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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