true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
