Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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