...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wear drunk well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
