So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will be naked everywhere
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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