my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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