I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
