Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
