Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
