Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
