I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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