Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
