I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
