like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
