If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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