you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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