Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
