So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
