Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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