I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
