All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
