I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
