I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why do cheetos always look like penises
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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