the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
