oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
