I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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