the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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