have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
