thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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