Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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