what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
