woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We are two peas in an std pod
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
