Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
