He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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