whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
