I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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