What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
