I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
