I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
