I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
