I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
